put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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