Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize