Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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