If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
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