Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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