Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
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I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
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There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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