His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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