i think my tv is drunk
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
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drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize