yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
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The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
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I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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