I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize