I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize