please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
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I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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