i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
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i came on her dog
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
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You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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