I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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