what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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