ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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