She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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