Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Couch. On fire.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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