Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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