Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize