Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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