I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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