You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
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I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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