If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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