She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize