You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize