Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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