My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize