My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize