fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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