just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
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afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
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Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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