Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
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Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
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So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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