she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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