Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
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your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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