is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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