I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
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Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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