I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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