i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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