Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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