...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
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I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
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I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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