My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize