My brain says no but my pants say off.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
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Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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