We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
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you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
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Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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