I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
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So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
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my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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