The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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