If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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