You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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