It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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