She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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