We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize